Sunday, 12 May 2013


COUSIN BRUCE

My cousin’s been staying with me for a week
It’s driving me mad, I must say
The things that he does make me holler and shriek
I hope that the bugger won’t stay
‘Cause when he’s been out with his mates for a drink
He lets himself down, a lot more than you’d think
Like combing his pubic lice into the sink
And forgetting to rinse them away

Oh cousin Bruce, why the hell did you come?
Go back to Oz; you’re a pain in the bum

He’s loud and he’s crass and incredibly rude
Whenever my friends come to call
He eats like a pig, with his mouth full of food
He’s grateful for nothing at all
It seems he’s addicted to prawn vindaloo
It’s fatal to follow him into the loo
But hey, he’s my cousin, so what can I do?
I’m banging my head on the wall

Oh cousin Bruce, why the hell did you come?
Go back to Oz; you’re a pain in the bum

And boy, is he boring! He never shuts up
He farts and he’s drunk all my tea
His favourite film is Two Girls and One Cup
That’s something you don’t want to see
I’ve had it to here, I can’t take any more
I wish I could kick his arse out of the door
And tell him “Get lost or I’m calling the law
Go home and forget about me”

Oh cousin Bruce, why the hell did you come?
Go back to Oz; you’re a pain in the bum


1 comment:

Kush said...

The wizard of Oz is a cousin of yours? No surprises there and he is just being himself, so give him a break please. You love him and you know it, Will the Poit.