Sunday 12 May 2013


The Dogging Song

I could write some silly rhyme
As a way to pass the time
But it wouldn’t help me chase away the blues
I don’t drink and I don’t smoke
And I don’t understand Sudoku
And I’m running out of themes for self-abuse

So on Friday night I’ll end my week of slogging
With a pleasant way of pushing back the boundaries of shame
‘Cause I do enjoy a little bit of dogging
It’s a highly social network where nobody knows your name

On a dark and steamy night
It’s a most inspiring sight
Watching bodies slowly writhing on the ground
And the dropping of the drawers
Leads to thunderous applause
With the noise of one hand clapping all around

Yes, I do enjoy a little bit of dogging
Down a country lane at midnight, in a car or on a porch
As I give myself a very gentle flogging
With my right hand on the business and the other on the torch

If you have some time to kill
It’s a special kind of thrill
Seeing other people get their ends away
And you never notice faces
‘Cause you’re looking other places
So you wouldn’t recognise them in the day

Now please do believe me when I tell you that it
Is a harmless entertainment with no reason for regrets
But I hope my girlfriend doesn’t catch me at it
‘Cause she thinks I’ve only gone to buy some late-night cigarettes

Yes, I do enjoy a little bit of dogging
Down a country lane at midnight, in a car or on a porch
As I give myself a very gentle flogging
With my right hand on the business and the other on the torch


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