Thursday, 17 May 2012


They’ve cut down the oak tree in Granny’s back garden
The one with the humorous bulge
They carried it off without begging her pardon
For reasons they wouldn’t divulge

And even though Granny was fond of that tree
She grudgingly had to admit
Her view was improved to a startling degree
And it brightened the place quite a bit

What’s more, as our Granny’s so strictly devout
Once the woodsmen had finished their labours
She hurriedly fished her binoculars out
And proceeded to spy on her neighbours

At first they all looked quite a virtuous lot
Conventional, boring and clean
But finally, Granny found one who was not,
The fellow at Number Fourteen

Yes, now she could see what old Sammy Divine did…
Behaviour that you’d throw the book at
She told me, “I’ve always been pretty broad minded
But some things, you don’t want to look at!”

Apparently, Sam had been at it for years
With nobody any the wiser
He kept re-enacting the “Three Musketeers”
With a goat and a bottle of Tizer

The things he got up to whilst perched on a shelf
Were so shocking, she had to look twice
It seemed that the goat was enjoying itself
And that wasn’t terribly nice

When Animal Welfare appeared in the yard
Of Sam and his bearded companion
They found him disguised as the Marquis de Sade
And the goat was dressed up as d’Artagnan

But now that’s all over, there’s nothing to see
She’s found curiosity can die
She’s dug up the stump of that trusty oak tree
And planted a great big Leylandii

Will Hames

1 comment:

Kush said...

Very well written, Will!