Saturday, 18 April 2009

House Husband

I'm sorry, we've run out of that tequila you adore
I anticipate a measure of complaint
Yes, if I'd gone out shopping, then there would have been some more
But I couldn't, so I didn't, so there ain't

You're looking for some underwear? It pains me to admit
I forgot to put the washing on the line
So I stuck it in the dryer and your panties now don't fit
I suppose you'll have to wear a pair of mine

You're going to a premiere! Ah yes, that's what you said
Well, wash your face and polish up your teeth
Then paint your toes and fingernails, I'm sure you'll knock 'em dead
In Versace, with old boxers underneath

I've read the kids a story and I've kissed them all goodnight,
Reassured them there's no bogeyman to fear
I've given them their cocoa and I've told them not to fight
But they're whining. Did I feed them? No! Oh dear

The bread's all dry and pitted and the lettuce limp and curled
The cheese is far too old to tempt a mouse
It's time that I admitted, with the best will in the world
I'm absolutely s*** at keeping house

Will Hames
April 2009


Mad Aunt Bernard said...

Ah! So you fib about the hemlock - I see you are still alive! Though maybe you didn't drink enough - if you use 3 parts hemlock, 1 part gin and an olive on a stick, that should do it. Tequila just doesn't cut the mustard when trying to poison a spouse. Regards, Mad Aunt B.

The Lesser Weevil said...

I've only just worked out how to 'blog', but having found yours through my sister's (Mad Aunt Bernard), I'm now having great fun reading through your older posts. They're brill! Just you keep them coming! Best wishes, The Lesser Weevil.

Heather said...

I am the unfortunate creature who is mother to the two aforementioned!! However, I do share their appreciation of your particular brand of poetry - keep up the good work.