Saturday, 2 October 2010

Seventy Thousand Flies

(a thoroughly disgusting song, to the tune of "Teddy Bears' Picnic")

I caught the clap off a toilet flap
It's eating my nose away
Upon my jaw is a big red sore
It's running on time today
And ev'ry kind of dreaded disease
From brewer's droop to phlegm on the knees
Is having quite a carnival in my bo...dy

Microbes and bacteria
Are playing ring-a-ring-a-roses in my interior
Blackheads wink from ev'ry pore
That isn't covered by two scabs or more
Tapeworms writhing merrily
And on my tongue a kind of fungus of murky grey
A swollen head of yellow and red is erupting on my bum
And I don't feel very well today

If you go down to the surgery
You're in for a big surprise
For in the corner is little me
And seventy thousand flies
And ev'ry kind of dreaded disease
From brewer's droop to phlegm on the knees
Is having quite a carnival in my bo...dy

4 comments:

Rhett said...

nice song - in brit eng i guess you can sing and rhyme today with body - liked it, typically your kind'a poem.

The Lesser Weevil said...

Oh, WILL!!! I laughed until I nearly cried! You are DREADFUL!!! And that's why we love you! Does this now mean I have to produce something even more disgusting in competition?

You would not believe it: the WV is 'uncomod' - should that be discomod, perhaps?

Will said...

Weev, I don't think you could possibly top this on account of your being a proper laydy and far too refained for such vulgarity. Still, you've surprised me in the past!

Mad Aunt Bernard said...

Wonderful.....I had all this last week. Down 1 tsp gunpowder with a lark's tongue and 5 fluid ounces of WKD blue.
Pretty poem, stunning imagery, makes one want to go out an retch into an iron bucket. Blessings of tapeworms x