My girlfriend, Michelle... "gorgeous" isn't the word!
Well, let me describe her to you
The face of an angel, the voice of a bird
And a nice little, low-cut IQ
She does as she's told and she'll never complain
And she looks really hot in a basque
And as for those questions that drive men insane...
Well, she wouldn't know what to ask
I've trained her quite well. Look around, you can tell
She keeps this place up to the mark
The cooking, the cleaning, that's down to Michelle
Hey, why keep a doggie and bark?
But where is she? She's always been waiting before
Whenever I've come home at night
Ah look, there's a note from her, pinned to the door
Wow, I didn't know she could write!
I haven't had time to decipher it yet
It's in crayon, that's why it's so big
"Goodbey and good ridence, you..." just look at that!
The way she's spelt "showvinist pigg"!
Will Hames, November 2008