Monday, 6 October 2008

Being Nice

I was listening to Tom Lehrer's wonderfully acid song, "National Brotherhood Week" and the thought occurred to me: what if we did away with special occasions for being nice to each other, such as Christmas and birthdays, and just acted decently the whole year round? Then I thought, being human we'd need some kind of outlet for all the negative stuff, so I'd propose that we have one day a year when we're all free to be as vile and obnoxious as we can to each other. And from that came the following poem.

It's National Fear 'n' Loathing Day next Wednesday
A day I always love to celebrate
From Skid Row to the Palace, we're united in our malice
As disaffection blossoms into hate

It's National Fear 'n' Loathing Day next Wednesday
The day to tell you boss that he's a swine
When "UP YOURS!" cards are sent, each one sincerely meant
The antidote to ev'ry Valentine

The time for letting rip
At the folk who get your pip
Is concentrated on this special day
So rally to the cause
You kiss mine and I'll kick yours
I never really liked you anyway

It's National Fear 'n' Loathing Day next Wednesday
But if you can't find anyone to shock
An acceptable corrective for your bottled-up invective
Is to verbally abuse the speaking clock

It's National Fear 'n' Loathing Day next Wednesday
So drain your poisoned chalice to the dregs
Pour scorn on all your foes, in vitriolic prose
All neatly iced on stale old Easter eggs

It's bound to be intense
No sitting on the fence
And soon we'll have the whole world joining in
But if you disagree
It's all the same to me
Just play along or sit on that* and spin!
(*gesture required)

It's National Fear 'n' Loathing Day next Wednesday
When ev'rybody gets his just desserts
Let's revel in revealing all the rancour that we're feeling
And tell the truth, especially if it hurts

It's National Fear 'n' Loathing Day next Wednesday
This honesty could well prove quite a strain
So our relief will be profound
When next Thursday rolls around
And we can all be hypocrites again!

Will Hames

1 comment:

Joy Leftow said...

This is funny & is def the antidote for the rest of the commercial crap which really gets to me. Imagine stores are already putting up Christmas holiday decorations. More over I really like the idea of having a just be nice all year time, which would work the best, if only people didn't need an outlet for all the slime.