Monday, 22 March 2010

The Man upon the Wire

The kids are so excited that they're jumping up and down
They're watching through the window as the circus comes to town
There's painted rides and super slides and animals galore
I hope it doesn't happen like it happened once before

Our Jimmy went to see it all a year or two ago
It dazzled him so much, he went to each and every show
He fell in love with "Esmeralda, Prophetess of Fire"
So Jimmy went away to be the Man upon the Wire

Our Jimmy joined the circus in the winking of an eye
He packed a little suitcase and he kissed us all goodbye
He said he had to do it, and we really mustn't grieve
Then off he went to frolic in the land of make-believe

He sent us all a card or letter every now and then
So no one ever doubted we'd be seeing him again
The little ones are proud of him, they're Jimmy's greatest fans
We're looking out for Jimmy now, among the caravans

It isn't quite as glamorous as how it ought to be
He's mucking out the elephants and brewing up the tea
But he's never looked so happy and he never seems to tire
I'm glad he didn't get to be the Man upon the Wire.

Will Hames
March 2010

Monday, 1 March 2010

Hell's Kitchen

From Frinton-on-Sea to the Bay of Bengal
There's places to terrify, shock and appall
But my mother's kitchen's the worst place of all
It frightens the strongest of men
For over the doorway, these words you can trace:
"Abandon hope, all ye who enter this place
And don't put the food anywhere near your face
If you want to see daylight again!"

A friend from my youth (may his stature increase)
Who married a girl from the local police
Was caught in the act of consuming a piece of
My mother's bread pudding he'd found.
My father went pale, he said: "Tony, you prat!
For God's sake sit down if you want to eat that
Or your rectum will plummet in nought seconds flat
And you'll drag it along on the ground!"

I've travelled the world, my research is complete
And I've rarely found anything I couldn't eat
From witchety grubs to yak's testicle meat
And cannabis cooked in a cake
But, seeking out fresh epicurean thrills
I sometimes go terribly green round the gills
And these little words make me head for the hills:
"It's just like your Mum used to make!"

Will Hames
March 2010